Sunday, May 14, 2017

Why yes, I'm still alive and kicking!

Digital silence to the contrary.  Just... feeling overwhelmed, so pulled back.  Sad stuff, like the death of our beloved bullmastiff, Molly. Tiring stuff, like Rosie the Great Dane (oh my gods, why do I take on puppies?).  And just not enough spoons for creative activity after taking into account daily chores and paid work.  Right now, I can't wait for retirement (4 years, 1 month and counting).  Mind you, I've also fallen down the rabbit-hole of Harry Potter fan fiction, to a somewhat obsessive degree.

It was ME/CFS awareness day recently (in case you were curious about why structures were lit up with blue, there's your answer). I managed to put up a MillionsMissing infographic to my Facebook page, but that was it.  A more nuanced, personal post of what is missing from my life is just too depressing to do. Clothes that have gone because I no longer need office-appropriate attire, and fibromyalgia means that comfort is paramount. Frequent bouts of dizzyness (orthostatic intolerance) and swelling feet/legs (because my heart, like all my other muscles, is affected by CFS and operates sub-optimally) mean no more high heels. Activities with the dogs - gone. Gardening for pleasure - gone. Reading anything of substance - yeah, mostly gone. Embroidery - mostly gone. Socialising - very small doses, very carefully planned.  Spontaneity - gone. Working in an office - gone (technology allows me to work from home, for which I am grateful). Sleeping well - gone. Being able to visit art galleries - gone. Being able to play with cars - gone.  And so it goes....

On the plus side, I have gained food intolerances and weight.  Never let it be said that ME/CFS takes without giving😀