...or maybe not. Hello all you zeros and ones. I have been somewhat bored and lacking in motivation - quite why, I'm not sure. Actually, I suspect it is simply a reaction to being constantly "on" and trying to get things done in specific time frames. I caught myself calculating when I can retire (9 years and 9 months, or thereabouts). I am so tired of doing, I escape into reading about doing, which is just another way of procrastinating.
I could list all the things I've done, all the things I plan to do over the next few weeks (oh yes, another data centre shutdown, weeeeeeeeeee!) but that's just lists. Busyness. I will make an exception though, I've been doing an evening course called "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life". Guided group discussion that reflects on where we've been and where we're going. Deceptively simple questions like "who are you", "what matters to you", "what are your spiritual beliefs, if you have any".
There is no right answer, there is no wrong answer, there is only what is and a chance to reflect on it, to discuss it, to challenge it - all heading towards a better understanding of what makes each one of us tick in our own ways and what we really want. I have nothing Big on my bucket list. No travel, no exciting experience. If I had one year of life left, I would quit work and spend time with the people I love, my animals, my books and garden. I would make sure that particular items went where I wanted them to (family heirlooms and all that). This assumes I have reasonable health for that time.
Modest wants, and thoroughly selfish in a very good way.
By asking myself how I would live those 12 months, I have the chance to really focus on what is truly important to me. Then I can start thinking about how I make those things more central in my life.
So there will be a discussion with Best Beloved on how we split the household chores, I've asked for formal permission to work one day a fortnight from home. That's a start.
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