Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Spinning in circles

That's what Winston is doing right now.  In my study.  Apparently it's a bull terrier thing.

late last night, keeping me company

It's also what my head's been doing.  A few too many days of getting into work, sitting down and just being hammered by jobs until after 2, until I just sit stunned and brain dead, absolutely drained.  How the heck am I meant to get time to think about some of the bigger stuff that is also important?  I get home, then either gym (need to keep the weight down - for my heart (family history, both sides), my back (badly put together), for my self-esteem), or straight into the household chores, followed by preparing and eating dinner, maybe a little television, some time in front of the computer trying to keep on top of the inbox, a bit of time with the dogs, never as much as I would like.

Not quite straight.  Change from work clothes, toast and vegemite and blackcurrant cordial.  Comfort food right there - I've been on Vegemite and Cascade's Ultra C for over 40 years.  I've also got low blood pressure and don't normally cook with salt, so Vegemite is all to the good.  So is my much beloved coffee!  You can get meds for high blood pressure, but very little for low.  Coffee, salt, ginseng, exercise, water just about sums it up.

While so much of this is necessary, day-to-day stuff, the unexciting, keeping-the-wheels turning stuff, I find myself wondering how I ever found time to do things for myself when I was younger.  I accept that chronic fatigue syndrome and depression are part of it, even though the fatigue is now mostly in the past and major depressive episodes are throttled back with meds.  I know IT in the server sphere sucks large chunks of your life away.  Plus being married, well there are shared responsibilities, shared expectations.  I can no longer spend time brushing and walking dogs, read or embroider for hours then have yoghurt for dinner at 10pm.  He gets upset.  And to be fair, I can't last out that long anymore, plus it's a bad habit to be in.  And it's damn hard adjusting to marriage after some 20 years of living by myself, dearly as I love Himself.  So I suspect that is mostly it, but I also love my work and get on well with most of the people I work with.  Plus it pays reasonably well.  So juggling is a way of life now.

Which means the big question is how do I juggle?  Watch this space

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